Snog, Marry, Avoid (for PMMs)
An unintentionally Valentines-themed post
There’s a game in the UK that people play to pass the time called Snog, Marry, Avoid (or Shag, Marry, Kill if we’re being honest with ourselves) where you take three celebrities and, well, rank them accordingly, based on the name of the game.
This might feel a little tenuous, but I think there’s something in there for us product marketers. Bear with me here…
When you’re developing a new product, or unpicking why you have adoption challenges with an existing one, it’s important to avoid aiming to solve all things for all people. When you’re trying to please everyone, you’re actually reaching no one.
With new products in particular, you should feel comfortable about building for what may feel like a particularly niche group - a segment within a segment. It may feel counterintuitive, but by doing this, you’ll learn so much faster and end up with a coherent, better product as a result.
What you do with the features you add, the messaging you use, and the marketing you ship, all sends a signal to the customer about who you’re for.
Take the example of onboarding journeys, where you might show a customer a list of brands or interest topics, so you can personalise the experience for them. What you choose for those first ten options signals to the customer who this app is really for. There’s a big difference between spotlighting Gymshark, Urban Outfitters and Glossier compared with John Lewis, Waitrose and Boden. By going for either route, you’re telling a certain audience this product is not for them. And if you try to go for a mix of them all, you’re sending out a very confusing message with your product experience.
So across your products, messaging and marketing, it’s important to be specific with who you’re targeting. I tend to think about this as three groups:
Who are we optimising for?
Who are we trying to not alienate?
Who is this product not for?
Aka Marry, Snog, Avoid (I nearly made it work.)
Marry: Your Core Audience
These are the customers you design and optimise your product for. They are your ideal customers, the ones who truly need your solution, understand its value, and are likely to stick around. When thinking about this group, ask yourself:
Who are the primary users that will get the most value from your product?
How can you be as specific as possible in both profiling them and messaging to them?
What does their buying journey look like, and how can you create an exceptional experience for them?
In other words, these are the people you commit to. (💒) Your positioning, messaging, and roadmap should be laser-focused on solving their problems and creating the best possible outcome for them.
Snog: Your Adjacent Audiences
This is the group you still want to appeal to but don’t need to fully optimise for. They’re important, but they’re not the priority (but, who knows, perhaps they will be in the future?)
For this group, it’s more about not alienating them. Ensure your messaging doesn’t exclude them entirely and that your product still provides value, even if it’s not tailor-made for them. Often, these audiences include:
Potential customers who could grow into your core audience over time (or you might eventually start catering for them)
Adjacent segments where your product might have a secondary use case.
Influencers or advocates who can amplify your message, even if they’re not primary users.
Avoid: The Audience You’re Not For
Finally, there are the audiences you actively choose to avoid. It might feel strange to deliberately turn people away, but it’s essential for staying focused and efficient, and making your product feel tailored and personalised for the people you are actually building for. Trying to cater for the Avoid group can dilute your value proposition and waste time.
These are the people for whom:
Your product doesn’t solve a problem that they really have
Their needs would require a complete departure from your product’s strategic direction.
It’s ok to not be for everyone.
The Snog, Marry, Avoid Framework
So, when you’re next building your messaging, planning a product launch, or refining your roadmap, keep this checklist in mind. Ask yourself:
Are we optimising for the right audience?
Are we keeping adjacent audiences engaged without overcommitting?
Are we clear on who we’re not trying to serve?
This will ensure your positioning remains sharp, helping your target customers find you much more easily - and quicker.
Agree? Disagree? Please let me know in the comments. And if you’ve got a better analogy than ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid’ I could probably use it…
Cheers! 👋